Mouse's House

(Note: I copied/pasted some of this from writing it elsewhere, and now whatever I do I cannot make the middle paragraphs have spaces between them or they have too much space. Apologies for the awkward reading situation.)

Student evaluations always make me nervous. I genuinely want feedback so that I can continually improve my classes, but on the other hand, no one likes to be told what they suck at. Then, too, as useful as evals can be, it's been proven that women consistently do poorer on evaluations than men (because of gender bias) and that students giving good feedback on a course does not correlate with their actually having learned from the course, which, frankly, is more important than whether they had 'fun'.

I've been, honestly, dreading my feedback from the fall semester because ... well, after November 9th I kind of checked out. I don't remember much between November 9th and Thanksgiving. (I know I drove to MD to get Mia and Jessie. And that pyrite came to my house the weekend after so that I wasn't alone. I only vaguely recall Thanksgiving. Things are kind of a blur between Thanksgiving and Christmas, other than driving to TN to give Jasper and Jaimie to pyrite and driving to PA to go to the memorial for tamnonlinear. I missed a lot of classes between Tam's death and Thanksgiving, and while there weren't many between Thanksgiving and break, what there were I was not all there for, let's say, even though I was in the classroom.

So yeah: dread. More dread than I've felt aobut evaluations since I was a graduate student just learning to teach. So let's look at them together, shall we?

and, in fact, miserable.

What I desperately need is three months (ie: 'til mid January) to do nothing but teach (and not that, if I could help it) and read for comps.

Current Stress:

221 LECTURE: Tomorrow I must lecture on A Midsummer Night's Dream. While on one hand, that's a piece of cake (better that than just about any other play, and I can talk about staging for half the class) it's still a lot of work to prep the lecture and the power point and to then be ready to stand in front of an entire lecture and my prof.

221 PYRAMUS & THISBE: I am currently leading about 15 undergraduates in a "production" of Pyramus and Thisbe. It goes up on Wednesday in class (a week from tomorrow), so on one hand it's short-term stress, on the other, though, it's additional time and effort.

PFF: This class has been fairly useless and it requires a great deal of effort-- not to mention twice monthly THREE HOUR seminars on Friday afternoons, plus other workshops and such. I am very close to withdrawing from it, but it may well be too late in the semester. (Just looked-- I have 'til Nov 8th to withdraw... I will make that decision very soon. I promised myself I'd stick out this year but... why? I shouldn't make this decision while I'm this upset, though.)

SLEEP APNEA: This one is a multi-part cause of stress. First, the apnea itself which causes me to be tired all the time. I know most people are sleepy in the mornings, for example, but I could barely keep my eyes open during the Blackfriars Conference, and these were all papers I was interested in. Imagine how you feel after catching perhaps only 2 hours of sleep-- that's how I feel every day.

Add to that the fact that the people who are processing my prescription (for the machine) are incredibly incompetent (I spoke with them today.)

And the fact that my insurance company has denied my claim.. I now get to spend $1000 for a machine which may or may not help me to actually feel better. Turns out I can spend $225 on a humidifier (gotta buy that regardless, evidently) and "only" $105/month in a rent-to-own scheme (which is how I'll go because I am not convinced that this is going to entirely work. Judging from the nightmares I had when I used the !#@$ machine in the sleep lab, I may not be able to keep the damn thing on when there's not a tech to come rushing in and admonish me.)

I will be emailing/calling the health insurance for a clarification of their denial, of course. My mom said it could just be something like messed up paperwork. I, however, am a cynic, and am fairly certain it's because my apnea is only "moderate" meaning I am unlikely to die in my sleep because of it. This would be more reassuring if it weren't for the fact that I'm likely to die while falling asleep in my car or something equally stoopid, and still caused by the sleep apnea. Even more likely is the fact that I am not exactly functioning very well, and so I honestly don't know that it's at all possible for me to continue this career. Melodramatic? Perhaps. But honestly true. I don't know that I'll be able to write the diss at this point (or pass the comps) let alone struggle for tenure! This is BULLSHIT. My body is defective and I can't afford to get help. And I can't say that anyone really understands, either, which is equally frustrating.

COMPS: Most people get 6months to a year to prep for comps. I get 3months, while I try to do everything mentioned above and below as well.

VACUUM: Is broken. Gots to fix.

CATS: Still a bit worried about Jackjack's spot (on his tummy) but it actually looks less bad than it did before (it hasn't shrunk, but less of it is scabby.) Callie's feline acne seems to be clearing up even though I can't get her to let me clean it with anything. (I did, however, take away the plastic bowls.) So that's good stuff. But then there are the ferals... There's a kitten I need to catch (and doing so, and taking care of him will probably run about $200 in vet bills-- shots, neutering/spaying, check-up, food, medicine) and at least 5 adults I should try to catch and get TNRed (Pigpen, as before, Tigger, the gray tabby who's friendly, a new Tuxie, and the new gray-ish cat with the white tip to his tail, and a couple of moo-cows I never caught.) I need to raise $300 before I can contemplate these endeavors, though. I considered another raffle (the last was very successful) but then remembered that those are, actually, technically, illegal.

GIRL-PLUMBING: Probably as a result of stress, I've been having some, relatively minor but very very very irritating, issues. I shan't say more here, 'cause I don't want to lose readers.

STUDENTS: The problem? I has them. No, most of them are great, but how can I focus on studying when I have teaching and vice versa? And some of my students are ... difficult. Apparently the 17% student saw the prof today and he cannot recall the name of the book we are currently reading. She directed him to talk to some other people here at the university, but he's evidently resisting the idea that he might have memory trouble. He is, however, the extreme version of many students here, frankly. (One student went to the prof to complain that she'd gotten a D on the exam. She said she'd googled all the answers and studied for 3 days, so how could she have done so poorly?!)

MONEY: I'm not, like, unable to pay my bills on a regular basis (thank goodness), with the exception of the unexpected things, like this sleep apnea equipment. But I need to get to the Globe this May, as part of my dissertation work, and I don't have $3500 to do it. (Plus food costs.) I have no ideas. I'm all out.

CONFERENCE: Honestly, I'm still frustrated by the conference even though it has now been over for several days. I spent a lot of money and a lot of time to attend and it was ... not great. Good parts? Absolutely. Awful parts? Yes. And the worst was my own "roundtable." I honestly think I'd have gotten more out of just flying out to VA and hanging with spade and peeps from C'ville.

( Cut for Probable Insensitivity )

So now I'm going to do some German homework in an attempt to play catch up in that class (I'm behind by a week's worth of work AND I have to make up a quiz). Then hopefully I'll still have some time to work on the power point for tomorrow's lecture before German class. I don't think I'll go home right after class, though, 'cause I still have 101 stuff that needs doing and such. Sigh.

So I'm still grading these ENG221* papers. The assignment was to compare and/or contrast one aspect of Beowulf to one aspect of either "The Dream of the Rood" or "The Wanderer."

A lot of students have chosen to write about heroism, or glory, or something similar which gives an opinion on Beowulf as a character. They seem to fall ardently into one of two camps. They either think Beowulf is the greatest hero who ever heroically performed heroic deeds, or they think he's a jackass braggart.

And you know, fair enough, I suppose.

Also, the professor requires that students print out and sign and hand in a composition checklist with every paper. This includes such things as the proper use of its/it's, then/than and correctly spelling characters' names. So why is it that so many students are still getting these things wrong? (And losing 5% of their grade for each kind of offense.) Geez. Fewer than if it weren't required, though, I will admit that.

Some lines for your amusement:

"Scattered profusely throughout Beowulf and dropped like a random sac [sic] of fruit in the final part of "The Wanderer," Christianity sticks out like a sore thumb."
sack of fruit? Really?

"But unlike Beowulf, the rood was forcefully converted into a religious entity, and became one with Christ during the crucifixion, instead of dying a pagan without achieving any of its life goals."
Um. It was a tree. What life goals did it have, precisely? To become a plank in a mead hall? To sail the seas as part of a boat?

Oooh, I learned a new word. See if you can spot it:
"The Rood tells the dreamer his recollection of the crucification and how it affected him."
Huh. Weirdly, Semagic doesn't think it's wrong... So I went to the big guns, and OED agrees with me on the non-existence of the word "crucification."

Title of a student paper: Beowulf's Jeweled Rood.
Is it just me or does that sound vaguely dirty??

Another title: Death as the Main Cause
...of? coffin sales? funerals?

Current paper (the one with the above title) is only 2.5 pages long (supposed to be 3 full) and that's with TRIPLE spacing. Geez. I'm not going to notice? REALLY?!

"The end all, be all, common event that will never fail is death so of course death is written into both Beowulf and "The Dream of the Rood."
Well, of course. So let's write it into everything else, too! MUST HAVE DEATH IN EVERY WORK OF LITERATURE. Wheeee!

Also, who the hell is teaching high school students that they should be ending their paragraphs with what is, essentially, an entirely new thought that actually is the opening to the next paragraph? I see it all the time and it drives me freakin' nuts. It's like, Yes, I see the transition you're making, but you're DOING IT WRONG. Don't end a paragraph on character with a sentence on theme just because your next paragraph is on them. JUST START THE NEXT PARAGRAPH WITH IT. Geez.

(Also, dear high school teachers? Stop convincing kids that "theme" is the End-All, Be-All of literary analysis. 'Cause it so isn't. And I so remember being taught that by Mrs. Glassman, terrifying woman that she was.)

I still have 14 to go (oh gods) but I think I'll post this now... you might get more later. Whee. Brain will be friiiiied.

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*Clearer this time? :) I "only" have 36 (total) papers to grade, not 221. Thank god.

Woot. I am, I think, up to date on comments I needed and wanted to post or reply to. Hurrah!

I ran into my adviser and one of my professors in the coffee shop this morning. On one hand it was great to see them, but on the other it was very stressful to think about how much work I've NOT done this summer. But I briefly mentioned the "seeing many doctors" thing, and trying to get healthy, of which my adviser approved (she saw me in a bad spot this Spring.) The three of us talked classes and travel and theatre. Unfortunately, this meant I didn' t have the time I usually take in the mornings to prep (again) for class.

But class worked out, too. I had already planned on letting them go early (to, hopefully, draft papers.) The problem with a composition class, in my opinion, is that *so* much of the important work of composition is, well, composing, which is to say, just sitting down and bloody well writing something. And while that can happen in the classroom, some students (like myself) aren't very good at it doing it in the classroom. (Although one of my students pointed out that he likes writing in the classroom because if he goes back to his dorm he'll just play with his XBox. I said that I understood, and that finding a space to work is very important. I, for example, work in coffee shops.)

I like my students, generally. There are 16 of them total. Two of them are very, very quiet, and rather poor writers, and so I'm having no luck reaching them. I'm trying, though. One of them is a football player with a major in business and he writes amazingly. Fuck, what a waste. I mean, not that he's a football player, but that he'll be a business major. He has a talent with words that should be nurtured. (He also wrote a free write on My Bloody Valentine and his second paper is going to be on Friday the Thirteenth, which amuses me for reasons I cannot explain to him.)

About 2/3rds of my class are athletes, mostly football and basketball. This has actually been really good for me because in a school like ASU, sports are really important. But... I know nothing about them and have no interest. AND many of the student athletes I've had in my classes before didn't do the work and had a hyooge sense of entitlement, which these students don't have. I don't know if this latter is because they're brand new (this is the first class for most of them) or if because I just have a better batch of students or what.

I handed back their graded first papers today. It'll be interesting to see how the dynamic in the classroom shifts now. (It *always* shifts after the first major grade.)

After class I ran into my professor again, which was good because I had scheduled a meeting with her for Tuesday (to talk about student evals for the class I TAed for her) which it turned out I couldn't make (and emotionally is better to have later in the week when there's the chance of having gotten some of my own work done, too.)

I came home, ate lunch, played a spot of Puzzle Pirates. Then I crashed, as I so often do after teaching. I've had a lovely nap and have now caught up on LJ, as I said above. Whee.

I know it's a Friday evening and very few people are online, but I have a Life By Committee question for you all...

Tomorrow is Winter in July at the Phoenix Zoo (where I am a member, but have not gone since becoming one-- oops.) It sounds like much fun (see info here.) It would, however, require getting up very early. Tomorrow I also *must* visit A.'s cats (this is a sizeable time commitment as it takes 40 minutes to get there, 40minutes to get back, and I should, y'know, spend some time with them.) AND, in the evening I have agreed to hang out with H. and D. and see their new house and have dinner out with them. That wouldn't happen 'til about 7:30 (they like to eat late). Given that I will NEED a nap in there somewhere, knowing my body's current style of (not)working, should I really try to do all of that??

Aminals. in Snow. Only chance to see 'til next Winter in July, next year.

Other information: I would be going alone to the zoo because I don't know anyone who's interested.

Also, I should clean my house and do laundry and unpack from the trip. And I cannot do any of those things on Sunday since that is when I *must* comment on student drafts (as I'll only be *getting* the student drafts at 5 tomorrow via email.)

Of course, I should be reading Coriolanus (for Tuesday) and working on my dissertation materials. (Oh the guilt.)

Thoughts?