eilonwy2017: (Stabbity)
and, in fact, miserable.

What I desperately need is three months (ie: 'til mid January) to do nothing but teach (and not that, if I could help it) and read for comps.

Current Stress:

221 LECTURE: Tomorrow I must lecture on A Midsummer Night's Dream. While on one hand, that's a piece of cake (better that than just about any other play, and I can talk about staging for half the class) it's still a lot of work to prep the lecture and the power point and to then be ready to stand in front of an entire lecture and my prof.

221 PYRAMUS & THISBE: I am currently leading about 15 undergraduates in a "production" of Pyramus and Thisbe. It goes up on Wednesday in class (a week from tomorrow), so on one hand it's short-term stress, on the other, though, it's additional time and effort.

PFF: This class has been fairly useless and it requires a great deal of effort-- not to mention twice monthly THREE HOUR seminars on Friday afternoons, plus other workshops and such. I am very close to withdrawing from it, but it may well be too late in the semester. (Just looked-- I have 'til Nov 8th to withdraw... I will make that decision very soon. I promised myself I'd stick out this year but... why? I shouldn't make this decision while I'm this upset, though.)

SLEEP APNEA: This one is a multi-part cause of stress. First, the apnea itself which causes me to be tired all the time. I know most people are sleepy in the mornings, for example, but I could barely keep my eyes open during the Blackfriars Conference, and these were all papers I was interested in. Imagine how you feel after catching perhaps only 2 hours of sleep-- that's how I feel every day.

Add to that the fact that the people who are processing my prescription (for the machine) are incredibly incompetent (I spoke with them today.)

And the fact that my insurance company has denied my claim.. I now get to spend $1000 for a machine which may or may not help me to actually feel better. Turns out I can spend $225 on a humidifier (gotta buy that regardless, evidently) and "only" $105/month in a rent-to-own scheme (which is how I'll go because I am not convinced that this is going to entirely work. Judging from the nightmares I had when I used the !#@$ machine in the sleep lab, I may not be able to keep the damn thing on when there's not a tech to come rushing in and admonish me.)

I will be emailing/calling the health insurance for a clarification of their denial, of course. My mom said it could just be something like messed up paperwork. I, however, am a cynic, and am fairly certain it's because my apnea is only "moderate" meaning I am unlikely to die in my sleep because of it. This would be more reassuring if it weren't for the fact that I'm likely to die while falling asleep in my car or something equally stoopid, and still caused by the sleep apnea. Even more likely is the fact that I am not exactly functioning very well, and so I honestly don't know that it's at all possible for me to continue this career. Melodramatic? Perhaps. But honestly true. I don't know that I'll be able to write the diss at this point (or pass the comps) let alone struggle for tenure! This is BULLSHIT. My body is defective and I can't afford to get help. And I can't say that anyone really understands, either, which is equally frustrating.

COMPS: Most people get 6months to a year to prep for comps. I get 3months, while I try to do everything mentioned above and below as well.

VACUUM: Is broken. Gots to fix.

CATS: Still a bit worried about Jackjack's spot (on his tummy) but it actually looks less bad than it did before (it hasn't shrunk, but less of it is scabby.) Callie's feline acne seems to be clearing up even though I can't get her to let me clean it with anything. (I did, however, take away the plastic bowls.) So that's good stuff. But then there are the ferals... There's a kitten I need to catch (and doing so, and taking care of him will probably run about $200 in vet bills-- shots, neutering/spaying, check-up, food, medicine) and at least 5 adults I should try to catch and get TNRed (Pigpen, as before, Tigger, the gray tabby who's friendly, a new Tuxie, and the new gray-ish cat with the white tip to his tail, and a couple of moo-cows I never caught.) I need to raise $300 before I can contemplate these endeavors, though. I considered another raffle (the last was very successful) but then remembered that those are, actually, technically, illegal.

GIRL-PLUMBING: Probably as a result of stress, I've been having some, relatively minor but very very very irritating, issues. I shan't say more here, 'cause I don't want to lose readers.

STUDENTS: The problem? I has them. No, most of them are great, but how can I focus on studying when I have teaching and vice versa? And some of my students are ... difficult. Apparently the 17% student saw the prof today and he cannot recall the name of the book we are currently reading. She directed him to talk to some other people here at the university, but he's evidently resisting the idea that he might have memory trouble. He is, however, the extreme version of many students here, frankly. (One student went to the prof to complain that she'd gotten a D on the exam. She said she'd googled all the answers and studied for 3 days, so how could she have done so poorly?!)

MONEY: I'm not, like, unable to pay my bills on a regular basis (thank goodness), with the exception of the unexpected things, like this sleep apnea equipment. But I need to get to the Globe this May, as part of my dissertation work, and I don't have $3500 to do it. (Plus food costs.) I have no ideas. I'm all out.

CONFERENCE: Honestly, I'm still frustrated by the conference even though it has now been over for several days. I spent a lot of money and a lot of time to attend and it was ... not great. Good parts? Absolutely. Awful parts? Yes. And the worst was my own "roundtable." I honestly think I'd have gotten more out of just flying out to VA and hanging with [livejournal.com profile] spade and peeps from C'ville.

Cut for Probable Insensitivity )

So now I'm going to do some German homework in an attempt to play catch up in that class (I'm behind by a week's worth of work AND I have to make up a quiz). Then hopefully I'll still have some time to work on the power point for tomorrow's lecture before German class. I don't think I'll go home right after class, though, 'cause I still have 101 stuff that needs doing and such. Sigh.
eilonwy2017: (Dean: don't wanna fly)
[livejournal.com profile] flurije has assured me that one of my dresses (which I was worried about) is not, in fact, too fancy for the conference, so this means that I actually have 5 nice outfits that I like and don't feel hideous in. (Often dress clothes make me feel fat and ugly and therefore panicky, which is not what you want at a conference, y'know?) So that's good.

It is, however, much later than I wanted it to be as I finished the packing extravaganza. Le sigh.

And I don't have a nice briefcase/bag (or even a not-nice one). This is problematic as I feel a backpack does not give the right ethos. :P Not happy. I asked Flurry if she had one I could borrow, and she said maybe, but since she's picking me up at 6am, and neither of us are morning people, I'm not holding my breath. :)

Maybe the conference will supply messenger bags like last conference! :)

I'm wearing jeans on the flight tomorrow. I know that I'll be meeting a scholar and an MLitt student, but ... I just can't see dressing even snappy-casual, let alone business-nice for a cross-country flight.

Speaking of cross-country flights, I haven't had time to think about mine, and therefore panic, so that's good. But if you don't hear from me within a week, assume I've been in a horrible plane crash. :( (I got this icon just for this sort of thing!)

I'm pleased that I won't be missing a Supernatural (this week is a random repeat) but I am very displeased to be missing this week's Criminal Minds. Anyone know where I can get it? I don't really want to bother the (totally awesome and kind) person who gave me the season premiere because she's a friend of a friend, so it would suck to bother her, y'know? (So I'm bothering all of you instead.) I'd *almost* rather miss Supernatural because I already have a season pass to download episodes of that.

I keep sneezing because of the dust I kicked out of my (not currently working) vacuum when I replaced the bag. Y'know, vacuum bag manufacturers, the see-the-dirt! window on the bags is cute and all, the first time or two you use the vac, but I'd prefer you put your efforts into a bag that not only formed a seal when *in* the vac, but formed one when you took the bag out of the vacuum, too. (My old vacuum's bags did that. You'd think the one that *isn't* 30+ years old would be able to, too.)

Shower is scrubbed. I *love* magic erasers. They work very, very well. Surely there must be something horribly wrong with them, right? You have to cut down a whole forest to make one? They're carcinogenic? Something-- 'cause no cleaning product that works that well can be without drawbacks.

Time to finish packing (does one ever really finish packing, or does one just eventually stop and assume that there's enough stuff in the bag that whatever's missing is just too bad?), shower and sleep. Gotta get up at 5. :(

VA here I come. :)
eilonwy2017: (Dean: don't wanna fly)
Doing all the travel prep crap. Whee.

Tonight's tasks have been CLEANING and LAUNDRY. Fun, fun. I'm about to scare the hell out of the cats vacuum. I'd rather wait 'til I've straightened up my bedroom, but it's almost 9pm and I know I wouldn't want my neighbors (especially if I had any above me) vacuuming late at night, so I'll do it now. I also have to run to the post office-- yes, obviously the counter is closed, but the machine thingie isn't, and I need to ship out a skein of yarn I sold. (My shop is now on Vacation Mode until I return from VA.)

Not a good day-- nothing went right the first time around. Everything took multiple tries. BUT the portfolio (a step in the PhD process) is turned in. Unfortunately, when my chair saw it, she thought the secondary sources on my reading list were too few. Sigh.

But I should get some ideas at the conference this week-- seeing as how my dissertation is renaissance performance practices on modern stages and all.

(It was ridiculous, the hoops needed to be jumped through to turn this damn thing in.)

On the bright side, I've straightened up much of my house, so that's good. I found my kitchen table, which has been buried beneathh stuff for so long I wasn't sure it was still there... Still need to scrub the bathroom and straighten the bedroom.

Laundry is almost done-- I can go get it in a few minutes. Much of it will be immediately packed, which saves on folding/hanging up. :)

I have to pay to check my bag, so I'm packing some books for my dad. I figure if I have to pay anyway, let's make it worth my while. :)

Now if only I had the money to pay for this trip... Must. Be. Frugal!! (Thank the heavens for [livejournal.com profile] spade's family letting me stay with them!!)
eilonwy2017: (Tired Dean)
After yesterday's post of woe, I thought I'd best check in and let you know that I'm still alive-- or mostly so. I do have a rather nasty headache. I ate and drank caffeine and took advil, but it's getting worse instead of better. ::Frowny face::

This afternoon was kind of exciting, though. I met with a bunch of medievalists (they were okay with this renaissance, um, ist crashing their party, so to speak) to start a production of The Second Shepherds' Play. I am playing Gill!! Doooood. I get to come up with the brilliant plan of disguising a stolen sheep as a baby. But man, oh man, I'd forgotten how badly I have to squash my introvert tendencies in a rehearsal, especially with people I don't know. :( Still, I think it went okay overall. Next rehearsal is in two weeks, by which time I should hav ea better handle on my lines. (I hope to have it partially memorized by then. Today I was looking at the script for the first time in a year.) The play doesn't go up 'til April 1st (yes yes), so there's plenty of time. We have a handle on most things -- ideas for props, costumes, etc. My spinning wheel is going to be involved (hee!) The biggest questions right now is about a door (for Mak and Gill's cottage since there's a lot of stage business with it; but we're performing outdoors on a stage that can't really have any set) and a sheep. The sheep is pretty damn vital, so that's a bit worrisome. If only we needed a goat-- I have a goat marionette (from my production of As You Like It). One of the actors (he's playing the 3rd Shepherd) assured us that if worst came to worst we can get a blow up sheep, they're called "I love Ewes." I...am far too afraid to Google that and find out if it's as bad as I think.

I was going to do laundry tonight, but alas, the apartment's main office is closed, which means I can't put money on my laundry card. But I shall do that tomorrow and launder in the evening so that I am not naked for the Blackfriars Conference. I'm trying to organize Pyramus & Thisbe now, as well as work on my lecture A Midsummer Night's Dream, which I give upon returning from the conference. I also should try to get through all 21 101 papers tonight... we'll see if that can happen. I might not *sleep*, but hey, I can sleep on the plane, right? :)

Speaking of the conference and clothing-- yesterday Flurije and I went shopping so that I could find shoes. I looked in lots of stores, but only found shoes in the one that's usually been good to me (some random store called "Shoe Warehouse" or something like that.) Two years ago, for the conference in CA I bought brown maryjanes there-- they had a discreet pattern along the edge and a kitten heel. I loved those shoes. Two weeks ago I broke them-- the cap came off of one of the heels. This would be why I really needed shoes for the conference-- nice brown ones. (Here it was no hurry-- I won't need to change out of sandals for at least another month, but VA is another story.) So, brown shoes. And I thought it would be good to get some nicer black shoes, too, since sketchers are not exactly professional, no matter how cute they are.

Miraculously, they had the same pair of brown shoes at the shoe place, and a pair in my size! Dood. It's been two years. Granted, they're no longer on the center aisle and on display (but rater in the sale section in the back, which doesn't say much for my sense of style, but whatevs, they make me happy.) Flurry also found me a pair of very pointy, very short heeled, black shoes. I was prepared to spend $60 on the two pairs-- I wasn't thrilled with the price, but it wasn't bad, and I'm up against a deadline and I was being reunited with my beloved brown shoes. BUT, they were on sale!! I got BOTH pairs for a total of $34. I was very happy. :) Flurry and I also had dinner at the Mexican place at the restaurant, which included large margaritas, and was quite fun.

After today's rehearsal I was supposed to meet Flurry to get work done at the coffee shop, but Flurry canceled due to illness. In retrospect, that's probably good (not the illness part! the canceling part) because I can multitask better here. Unfortunately, I'm also a lot more distractable here. I stopped at Whole Foods to go to their salad bar (I've been craving vegetables, go figure) and now I am home. Whee.

I think I'm going to force this casting of P&T to work, then take a short nap (probably falling asleep over Morte D'Arthur, to be honest) in the hopes that this will get rid of the headache.


Oct. 17th, 2009 01:53 pm
eilonwy2017: (Sam is Not Amused)
Grumph grumph grumph. I am a gretsy Eilonwy.

Mostly I have a baseline spazzed-out stressed-out crazy mood 'cause of how much I need to accomplish before Tuesday morning.

A sampling:

Chore Stuff:
Clean (and my house isn't just dirty, it's also MESSY); prepare cat stuff (they're being babysat by Flurije), laundry (so I don't have to travel naked); pack (see previous); shop (for some cold weather conference style clothes); run errands for things like cat litter/cat food

Teaching Stuff:
Prepare 3 lesson plans for 101, 1 lesson plan for 221 (even though I don't know what's being taught on Monday/Wednesday), grade 21 papers (101); prepare the lecture and powerpoint for a 221 lecture for as soon as I get back, prepare an assignment for 221; read book 8 of Morte d'Arthur; cast Pyramus & Thisbe (for 221); prepare Pyramus & Thisbe script

Conference Stuff:
Respond to the criticism of my paper (it's a roundtable); read and criticize other people's papers

Academic Stuff:
Research/find/pepare my reading list and portfolio to turn in on Monday; attend a production meeting for The Second Shepherd's Play which I will be either-- get this-- directing or playing the lead female role in. HA! I did say I wanted more theatre in my life.

You know. All by Sunday night.

ANYWAY, I actually started this post to complain about the BuddyTV contest I entered. If you followed the link I posted on Thursday, you'll have noticed that there are 4 showdowns with 40 entries in each. But rather than choosing your favorites of the 40, or ranking them, you're faced with two images you get to choose between, out of a possible 780 (for each showdown) pairings. I suppose you're expected to go through all 780 of them.

This would be fair, I guess, if it moved entries up or down bracket style, based on which one beats which one. BUT NO! As far as I can tell, entries are being ranked based on a flat number of votes (clicks) they receive.

And that would still be fair, I think, if every person voting went through all 780 matches. But they take a long time to load and even if they didn't, 780 is a lot and I have a life (see above; no matter how incredibly RIDICULOUS my life may be, it's a life) so I, for example, don't have time to click through 780 pairings. And I really really really doubt that anyone else does, too.

Maybe it is still fair because all the pairings that come up are random, so any time someone starts (but doesn't finish, I'm betting) going through the pairings, they're getting a random pairing and therefore randomly have the choice to give one of two entries his/her vote. But it doesn't seem quite fair.

My point in all this is not sour grapes. I don't, at this point, know how my entries are doing (although I'll admit that last time I looked, they were not doing well.) My point is that I kind of wish I hadn't entered/put effort into it because I don't feel like the results will be fair. (If I felt they were fair and I was still losing, that'd be a different story. Still incredibly disappointing, but ok.)

ANYWAY. I am going to get dressed now (I overslept.) And do some of the above stuff, followed by some more of the above stuff, and then with some more of the above stuff on top.

(On the bright side, last night I did manage to finish my German homework, and the majority of a piece of crappy stupid busy work work for PFF. Chugging along, I guess, chugging along.)

Wish me luck.


Oct. 16th, 2009 12:51 am
eilonwy2017: (Work)
I have actual thoughts on tonight's episode, mostly on Sam and Dean's interactions with the MotW, but they must needs wait. For it is late. And I am tired.

And also, all of my brain power is on the horror that is the list of things I must accomplish in the next three days. I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it. It will be a feat of unimaginable...ness. It's not that any one thing on the list is particularly hard, it's that a lot of them are time consuming and there is so much on the list. It's stuff that would normally need to be done, plus stuff that needs to be done for the sake of travel (I leave for the conference on Tuesday), plus stuff to cover for the fact that I'll be gone for a week, plus stuff that's due right after I get back. Holy carp.

Bedtime now. Gonna try to get up early to get some work and/or reading and/or grading done before I teach tomorrow.

(Doesn't help that I'm being observed in 101 tomorrow. Fuck.)

(Followed by 221, where I get to tell students how much they've fucked up the most recent quiz. And then a break wherein I must read book 5 of the Faerie Queene. Followed by 2 hours chatting about the FQ, to get home around 6, exhausted, but needing to get still more work done.)

I pout.
eilonwy2017: (Ophelia reads.  Crankily.)
While I'm thinking about it, having just written an email to a potential keynote speaker, I thought I'd post this call for papers here, since I know there are other graduate students on my friends list. Feel free, also, to pass this 'round to potentially interested parties. I'll even make this a public entry.

The 14th Annual Southwest Graduate English Symposium Presents:

(Re)Inventing Communications and Communities:
Transmission, Translation, Transgression

Friday, February 29, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008

The conference entitled“[Re]Inventing Communications and Communities: Transmission,Translation, Transgression” invites you to submit papers thatcritically examine the invention/re-invention of communications andcommunities. How are communications and communities transformed bytransmission and translation? How can communications and communitiessurvive and thrive? How far can we go with transgression?

Interdisciplinary andcreative panels and papers are encouraged in fields that includeliterature, rhetoric and composition, creative writing, theaterstudies, communication, language studies, English education, womenand gender studies, film, visual studies, history, psychology,philosophy, religion, social sciences, media studies, and popularculture.

Panel proposals shouldbe no more than 500 words and submitted by September 30, 2007. Paperabstracts should be no more than 350 words and submitted by October15, 2007. Please include home and office numbers, complete mailingaddress, e-mail address, professional affiliation, and AVrequirements with your submission.

Please directsubmissions and questions to asu2008symp@gmail.com

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